Let’s just get this out there right now. If someone is more comfortable because of someone’s gender rather than their level of expertise, cultural gender bias is at play.
I am a cisgender woman who prefers women doctors. Why? Because women are less likely by the numbers to assault, make disrespectful comments, or assume I’m an idiot. That’s not because individual men are bad, that’s society. Masculinity is associated with power; therefore, men are less likely to have been told when they were taking too much power. (yes, yes… N. A. M.)
Yes, I just acknowledged that my choice of medical professionals is influenced by sexism in our culture. No, that does not make me or anyone a “bad” person.
Gendered assumptions like: Women are “catty”? Men are more likely to think logically or women more empathetically? Girls and more mature for their age? Women care more about keeping their own spaces clean? All of these are assumptions which are taught and reinforced by culture, and most of them are value-neutral on their surface (i. e. not good or bad, more or less admirable)
Let’s just look at the “who cares about cleanliness” assumption. Think about the TV and movie depictions of teen rooms. Whose are light and clever? Whose are dark and messy? When a girl’s room is dark, is usually symbolizes her conflicted or unhappy nature. A dark boy’s room? Mysterious and deep, interesting and full of potential. Decorating itself is a related phenomenon! How many straight male decorators have you seen on HGTV? Not builder types, but the color of paint, shape of curtains, which dodad belongs on the coffee table decorators.
TV and movies today reflect some of what we are comfortable with and some of aspirations. That is why I point to them. But sure, it’s over simplified, and not perfect. Still when our media, created by us, is fairly uniform… It does tell us something.
A single, or even a few gender assumptions are not harmful, right? Yeah, but it’s not just a few. The weight of our myriad of gendered assumptions becomes a powerful limitation on most people. A few who can game the system (think football players who make multimillion for running around well with a ball, or models who live out massively exaggerated gendered assumptions visually) get extremely generously rewarded. Many find ways to fit or flex into what is asked, often easily with the help of how we were raised, social praise, and economic success. But for many, this disconnect is literally painful, and social scorn, the work of rejecting a mal-fitting child raising, and/or economic alienation (but which I mean struggles to find keep or be promoted in a job) disincentive personal expression over gendered conformity.
Not so neutral
Here is the fact we like to deny. Value is not some extrinsic, objective reality. What people are willing to pay is hugely influenced by our cultural, political, and power based thinking. Gender affects how much we think things are worth. This is a chicken/egg situation: men are driven towards professions worth more, and professions are less highly valued as they become more and more feminine dominated. (See: teaching, secretarial/administrative work, even physicians. )
One cause of this, is that the modern workforce was shaped during years when traits that men held were valued more, so many traditionally women’s tasks were undervalued, resulting in economic gaps between people who do work in fields we think of as masculine led (engineering) and those who work in fields we think of as feminine led (childcare, which is expensive by exists on the backs of minimum wage earning college graduates).
So, yes, your supposedly personal preference may be influenced by cultural sexism. No, that does not make you a bad person. Refusing to consider the unintended consequences now that you know better? Well, I’ll leave the judgment up to you.